Rats!
by Rejoiced Inferiority
Summary: The tale of young love...And all the shenanigans that comes with it. Several oneshots dedicated to the cutest things from rats to an innocent game of Clue... ShikaSaku pairing RxR please. watch for language
1. Rodent Madness

**Allo Poppits!! Here you go a cute little story of fluff as in fur literally…ANYWAYS Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill NO OWNAGE!**

A loud shriek resounded through the hallways of the Nara-Haruno household.

"Oh. My. God." Sakura stood, speechless.

"What the Hell was that?!" Shikamaru slid on the linoleum floor and stopped quickly almost bumping into Sakura.

"That right there! You don't see that? That…THAT THING??" Sakura screeched as she pointed an accusing finger toward the abomination on the kitchen counter.

"Oh that, I forgot to tell you about that…heh." Shikamaru shrugged and made his way out of the kitchen.

"OH NO YOU DON'T" Sakura pulled him by the hair back into the kitchen.

"WELL??" She demanded.

"…Troublesome…It's a rat…" He spat.

"AND??" Sakura plastered her hands to her hips.

"And what?"

"WHAT IS IT DOING IN THIS HOUSE??? IN THE KITCHEN???" Sakura exploded.

"Well…" Shikamaru took it out of its cage. Sakura shrieked. "chill out, look at her" Sakura examined the small little vermin noticing a pink tint in its wretched disease infested fur. Sakura's jade eyes widened and as hard as she tried a small coo released itself from her lips.

"Oh? What was that little noise, huh?"

"Ahem, nothing, nothing I had a...um…tickle in my throat" Her voice shrank. _She _thoughta_ rat _was_ cute._

"It…well…it reminded me of you." Shikamaru managed to cough out these simple yet meaningful words. And although she should've been offended she wasn't she carried the little rat into the living room and sprinkled breadcrumbs into the cage.

"I'll name her…Rawr." Sakura smiled a special just-for-the rat smile.

"Rawr? Why that is such a weird name!" Shikamaru said.

"Hey don't judge Rawr her name will be so because… she gave me quite a scare." Sakura then gave Shikamaru a special just-for-the-genius smile.

"I'm glad you decided to keep her…"

**Two Weeks Later**

"So how was your day?" Shikamaru inquired.

"Well I did pick up a few things at the store." Sakura mischievously smiled.

"Oh really did you well I'm-OH MY GOD WHAT'S IN MY HAIR."

"Oh nothing just…Trouble." Sakura giggled. Shikamaru grabbed his hair and pulled out what seemed like a breathing clump of loose hair, he looked clearly at as a little brown rat wriggled in his hand.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Shikamaru was startled to say the least. Sakura looked at him innocently.

"Ummmm...I know this one...umm a rat?" Sakura was all out laughing now at Shikamaru's dumbfounded face.

"No. its-" Shikamaru started.

"A rat like I said," Sakura said as she scooped up the little furball and held it close to her chest. "he reminded me of you, his name is Trouble." Trouble managed to slip out of her grip and slink down her shirt.

"AAAAAHHHHH" Shikamaru laughed as Trouble made his home in Sakura's cleavage.

"Mmhm. Yeah that's pretty much me" Sakura giggled at Shikamaru's dirty comment.

"So," Sakura said as she scooped Shikamaru's mini-rat out of her shirt "You think him and Rawr will be best friends forever?"

"I bet they will be more…" Shikamaru said as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. Sakura placed Rawr and Trouble together they were fast friends.

**Two Months Later**

A loud shriek resounded through the hallways of the Nara-Haruno household.

"Oh. My. God" Sakura stood, speechless.

"What the Hell was that?!" Shikamaru ran in from the bedroom where he was napping and stopped violently running into a coffee table, soo after recovering he look into the cage of Rawr and Trouble where he spied a few new additions to the Nara-Haruno-Rawr-Trouble home.

"Troublesome" Shikamaru sighed.

"Look how many there are!" Sakura counted 5 an awfully small litter.

"Wow, you're most certainly an accomplished little rat." Shikamaru gave Trouble the thumbs up. Sakura looked at Shikamaru.

"You think it…a sign?" Sakura stared at Shikamaru…

"Nah!" They both exclaimed they were busy enough with their big (but little in a literal sense) family.

End.


	2. Extremely Cute

**Oh wow what a hiatus…oh well I'm back and here with a new story…the inspiration coming from my friend lssa.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything…Nothing and there are a lot of references if you can catch them**

Sakura awoke just as every morning she wiped the morning tears from her eyes.

"Oh man…" she got out of bed and dragged herself into the kitchen and prepared her royal breakfast consisting of milk (a day a way from expiration) andCaptain Crunch, she glanced over at the adorable little magnetic letters on her refrigerator, she computed the words and found them to be shouting one word

_**FOOD**_

"Ah, an easy day…" She checked her purse on the counter,

"FUCK…I'm broke…what am I going to do…my rat will die." She glanced over to Rawr.

"What am I going to feed you...? What am I going to feed me?" Suddenly a thought crossed her mind…could it work…was it possible…could she find someone stupid enough? She jumped into the shower and threw on some clothes: A white mini skirt and a white tube top with a little happy sushi on the front, usually she didn't dress in such a way but she had a mission to fulfill, this mission called for a little less clothing. And hey she's 18 she can wear whatever she wants.

Sakura opened the door and locked it behind her leaving her house behind her…she stepped out and caught the site of the legendary orange book…

"Hmm let's see if this will even work out, no use doing something that won't work on the uber pervert." Sakura watched as he spotted her house. So she kneeled down just as he walked by for her news paper. She got up performing the bend 'n' snap professionally just quick enough to catch a wondering eye…oh this would work out just fine.

"Hi, Kaka-kun, how are you?" she waved and put the cutest smile her face could muster. She put her hands behind her back, she bent over a little.

"Well," He replied "I was having an average day….but now I find myself a little troubled." He scratched the back of his neck. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," She replied

"Is it totally disturbing to think a former student is extremely cute?" He put away his book.

"That depends, which student?" she asked obviously knowing the answer. "Which student do you fancy?"

"Eh," Kakashi began to walk away clearly embarrassed "You don't know her." Sakura giggled quietly and watched her former teacher walk away.

"Ha this is going to be easier than I thought…" She laughed a little more to herself.

**Later**

Sakura…broke…and very hungry…strode down the street. She looked at a nearby merchants stand. She then spotted her first victim.

"Wow Shino…" The stone faced boy looked down to her.

"Hm?" she looked up to see his nonchalant yet kind face (Er at least what was visible).

"Mmmm would you just look at that apple…? Wow." She made an extra effort to bump his shoulder with hers.

"Yes…they're nice." He deadpanned but Sakura had good eyes and she spotted a single drop of sweat rolling down his temple making its way to his jaw line, and it was not a warm day.

"You are not looking at the right one look at the one right at the top…Look how red and plump it is…" She put her lips out in a pout. "I bet it's really juicy." She trailed off, "Doesn't it look juicy?" She looked right at him her eyes large and curious.

"Uh" before he could answer a young chipper merchant came between them.

"So my good man," He spoke to Shino "I see you, and your girlfriend-who is simply stunning by the way-is eyeing my prize apples." Shino's eyes widened

"Oh no she isn't-"

"Yeah but don't give me all the compliments he's a cutie too. Aren't you darling?" She grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her waist.

"Um…I…w-what??" He stuttered and twitched but he made no effort to move his arm "I think there is a-"

"Well your right he's eh…handsome…whatever pleases the costumer."

**Meanwhile in Suna-Gakure**

Gaara shuffled his papers and put them in the plastic bin titled "_out."_ Suddenly a giant floating marshmallow singing Christmas carols hit Gaara on the head with a garden hose..

"THE HELL WAS THAT??!!" Gaara looked around and the marshmallow was gone "The only possible explanation for that strange event was…" He was then interrupted by his sister dragging Kankurou in by the hair. "Is he dressed like a woman?!" Gaara stood up "Why is everything ass-backwards??" He looked to Temari looked to speak and with a sickened look on her face she uttered but five words "Someone said Shino was h-handsome." Her voice was deep…manly deep, Barry White deep.

"Dear God, I have the sudden urge to bake a cake." Gaara was hospitalized later that day.

**Back at Konoha-Gakure**

"So anyway…are you fixing to buy that apple for your lovely companion?" Sakura looked at Shino with huge pleading eyes and one irresistible pouting mouth.

"S-sure? Yes I am buying the apple…f-for Sakura…and I can't seem to figure out why." Shino blushed almost violently as he realized his arm was wrapped around Sakura's waist and his hand holding hers. **What has happened? Even my bugs won't release, they are…charmed? I've never felt this message from the kikai before…they're saying…**

**"Nice ass on that one, maybe our master isn't such a geek after all!" Oh. My. God. Is it even possible for bugs to think a human is…er…attractive?**

**"**Shino are you going to buy the Captain Crunch or not?" Sakura whined.

Shino snapped back to reality

"What? Oh um" He looked at him self heaving a years worth of food that seemed to be purchased by him. "Yes, The cereal." Shino's eyes turned to saucers…Those words weren't his; he was undergoing some kind of mind control!

_**Guess again bug boy…hehehe**_

**Who are you GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! **

_**Oh I am no intruder I have been here for a long time ever since you got your big boy voice in fact. I've just slept in a little...**_

**Who are you? Do you have a name? What do you mean 'big boy voice'?**

_**I? I am you in your truest form…If I had a name I would call myself Fabio but you should call me Lust. And remember when your voice stopped cracking and you were able to start talking in a low Barry White kind of voice? That, my ignorant friend, is what could be described as your, 'big boy voice'.**_

**You can't be me in any form, I don't hiss when I speak nor do I care any animosity in my tone! And Lust? Seriously? That is all you could think of? Sorry, but the Full Metal Alchemist writers already thought of that one. And as a side note I am not ignorant.**

_**That's beside the point I am what you truly are with out the manners, the stupidity and the constant need to be clothed.**_

**So…you're the inner perverted Shino**

_**I had a dog and his name was BINGO! And don't feel bad because you are a pervert! All guys get they're own inner pervert!**_

**I think I am going to be sick.**

_**As you should that tasty little thing called Sakura is getting away!**_

"Well Shino thanks for every thing, bye." Sakura turned to walk away.

_**You'd better get her and don't lie to me I **_**know **_**you **_**want**_** her.**_

"Wait Sakura…If you want we could like grab a coffee sometime." Shino scratched the back of his head, unsurely.

_**That's it reel her in nice 'n' steady now don't scare her**_

"Sorry I'm stacked…Later."

_**Holy schnapps…dammit**_

**Hmm**

_**I always fall for the pouty lips FUCK I knew this would happen**_! _**Face palm.**_

**You mean…**

_**Yep kid we just got hussled…**_

**I see**

**After Word **

Sakura dashed down the street.

"Did I go over board? YES! He wanted to go out on a date…Oh I must've broken his heart sorry little Shino" Sakura giggled in feign pity. She planned to go home and cook up some dinner for her rats (despite them being filthy vermin she cared deeply for them) then she heard a familiar voice.

"I always wondered how you managed to pay for things while I was out on a mission; you know you should really consider getting a job." She heard the playful rebuke in his voice. Sakura stiffened up then relaxed put on her best innocent face and turn around sporting her cleavage that was just barely there.

"Well I have a job but Tsunade says I work too hard, so I'm off, besides, I paid for these groceries fair and square." Sakura held her eyes down cast like an abandoned kitten. The man lifted himself off of the bench on the side walk and walked over to Sakura. He held her in a tight yet gentle embrace; she grabbed him back and began to cry lightly.

"I missed you." He kissed her on the fore head his form dominating hers in stature. She looked up into his black eyes as he wiped away her tears.

"I'm so glad your safe…Shikamaru" He let her go and she backed away.

"You know," he said "just because we had a moment doesn't mean you don't have to explain yourself…"

"I kind of maybe abused the cuteness powers." She looked down ashamed of herself.

"You're lucky I am half immune to those powers if I wasn't I could end up being your helpless little man slave." He teased. "Poor Shino, the guy didn't even see it coming you may very well have changed his life. He grabbed the grocery bags and walked Sakura home.

**Days Later**

It was a relatively normal day the rats were fed and happy and so were there owners. Shikamaru sat and read the paper.

"Oh…oh my god Sakura come here and read this…The short story read this.

_**After hours of squabbling seven men are hospitalized**_

_It has been reported that seven men-all of which are Konoha-Gakure shinobi-had fought over who was to help a girl by the name of Sarah (Sometimes referred to as DolphinGirl) bake her cake the shinobi names are as follows:_

_Gaara_

_Kankuro_

_Kiba_

_Kakashi_

_Genma _

_Neji_

_Sasuke_

_The doctors don't know when they will be released but they do know that Sarah ended up baking the cake herself and it turned out delicious but the boys managed to wreck it in the squabble. Beware because police say she is cakeless and pissed off. In fact had it not been for Kibafan Sarah may have destroyed the earth. It is said that Kibafan laughed so hard her eyes exploded which somehow calmed Sarah down temporarily. She is still on the loose and scientists are still studying the reality of some ones eyes exploding._

"Wow." Sakura said "Sounds like a rough experience." Sakura expertly flipped a pancake.

"Those guys were supposed to be my team mates on my next mission…So I guess I am going to be around for a while at least until this Sarah person calms down."Shikamaru picked up his plates and snatched the pancake out of the air as Sakura flipped it.

"Hey. I was on a roll 5 perfect flips!" Sakura tried to steal it back. Shikamaru licked it.

"Ha. Bet you don't want it now." He placed it on his plate and began reading the paper again.

"I swear sometimes I live with an eight year old." She walked over to Shikamaru and read over his shoulder. She skimmed over the words until she found something she didn't really wish to see.

"If you're reading what I am," Shikamaru said through clenched teeth. "you know you owe someone an apology." Sakura read the head lines again and again. _Oopsy._

**Aburame Boy Tries to Decapitate Self**

_Not much is known about this strange phenomenon but they do know that is was highly improbable. Police say he had been dressed like a Care Bear saying things like "The voice I can't stand the voice!" He spent all weekend begging people to "tell FABIO to SHUT UP!" He has been sent to an insane asylum were he will be taught to deal with inner perviness. _

"Oh shoots"

"Get your coat were paying that poor boy you wrecked a visit"

"Would it help at all if I said I was really, really, really, sorry?"

"Can it. I don't need your apologies, the boy who tried to cut his own head off, does."

End

Sorry to those reviewers not in the story I just thought of that on the side:

Thanks so much to:

**Kikyohater920alltheway (I hate kikyo too! Pussy power!)**

**BreeBecky (go you!)**

**MayumiCrescentMoon (You name makes me want to cut off my leg for charity! In a good way!)**

**Crazyevilgirl (Yay the best reviewer award goes to you thumbs up)**

**So let it be known that the persons who review in a unique but not stupid fashion get to be in the story, maybe! (Just don't try too hard because then I won't do it anymore actually comment on the story please.)**

_**Merry Christmas to all,**_

_**And to all a Good Night.**_

_**Ciao for now**_

_**-Kotone**_


	3. Misconceptions

**Oh wow what a break, sorry folks haven't been in a writing mood really…**

**But I'm back…and I learned some new things**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

"WHAT!?" two clenched fists came down on what was once a lovely oak desk.

"You know…You're paying for that…right?" Tsunade folded her hands on her lap piercing blue eyes glaring a glare that could only be rivaled by Subaku no Gaara himself. Sakura took a step forward and set her shoulders in an aggressive position.

"I don't see why I have to sacrifice my only day off to hang out with a bunch of bed wetters." Sakura crossed her arms and huffed.

"Hey now, you were once a "bed wetter" too, you know? It won't be hard; I've assigned another to teach the class with you…" Tsunade chided.

"Who," Sakura asked her interest suddenly roused, "who could it possibly be? What extremely capable person have you chosen to make my job easier?" Sakura blew the hair out of her eyes and tapped her foot.

"Well…" Tsunade shiftily looked around the room, "he's a capable young man."

"Tsunade"

"A reformed gentleman," Tsunade continued, "with excellent manners!"

"Tsunade," Sakura grew impatient. "Speak."

"Kabuto-"

"SHIT PICKLE, are you kidding me? Because if you are: that was very funny har har har, jokes on me. Now who am I really working with?" Sakura's chakra flared with anger.

"Now, now, now, he's an okay guy it's no biggie right??" Tsunade reasoned. "He's a nice kid once you get past the whole "he dissected people" thing." Tsunade gazed at Sakura with pleading eyes "please, Sakura these kids have got to learn basic medicine, you guys are all I've got." Tsunade begged.



"Oh dear, sweet, Jesus, fine. But if he so much as touches me, so help me God I will destroy him."

"Dear, his hands will remain at his sides, I promise you." Tsunade raised her palms in a calming gesture.

**The Next Day**

"Please?" Kabuto laid his hand on Sakura's shoulder in a calming gesture.

"…No." Sakura wiped his hand off and stomped to her room.

"You know you're very stubborn, those rats of yours would make excellent "patients" come on, Sakura, I won't hurt 'em…much" Kabuto lifted the pinkish rat out of its cage by the tail.

"HANDS OFF, YOU EFFEMINATE BITCH!" Sakura ran out and socked Kabuto on the skull; he dropped Rawr safely into her cage. "Geez, kid, when I say don't touch anything I mean don't touch anything." Sakura took the cage and put it in her room "I don't know why I let you in here anyway…."

"Hey, no need to hurt me…I was only kidding, and I think if you don't hurry and get your class notes in order we're going to be late for our lesson." Kabuto looked at his watch and rebuked her.

"Yeah, yeah homo, I'm getting there," Sakura whispered under her breath "maybe if you'd stop harassing my rats you stinking pedophile." Sakura seethed.

"I heard that, all of it." Kabuto called from the front doorway.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming." Kabuto pushed her doorbell a couple thousand times "I'M COMING DAMN IT." Sakura stomped out the door.

"Temper, temper, Sakura," Kabuto wagged his finger at her. "You might have an aneurism, and none of us wants that to happen."



"I hope it does, and I hope the blood gets in your stupid, white, hair. And just who do you think you are calling me "Sakura" add that honorific "Sakura-san" you ass." Sakura said, "Besides, only one guy can call me just "Sakura" and it ain't you, you fanny bandit." Sakura spat.

"Mmm I like 'em spunky." Kabuto purred.

"Dumb ass, bitch,"

"More, more"

"Granola munching hippy"

"Oh YES more"

"Butt lovin', man whorin', monkey ass licking, Canadian."

"SWEET JESUS YES, you really know how to talk dirty, love" Kabuto mocked wiping sweat off his brow.

"Oh my, dear God help me." Sakura rolled her eyes.

**At The School**

"Okay kids, so the last thing we all need to learn is how to stitch a wound!" Sakura said She really didn't expect to have this much fun, especially with Kabuto. The boys in the room high fived and the girls all turned pale white. There would definitely be blood

"So, the first step is to make sure your supplies are clean," despite being a total douche bag Kabuto was quite good with kids, "Then we clean our wound."

"Mister, Kabuto?" A little boy with big brown doe eyes said, "You don't have a wound to clean."

"Very perceptive," Kabuto replied, "we can fix that though!" The kids all sat around him with large, curious, eyes, even some of the distressed girls. But then he slit his wrist causing a bit of an uproar. "Calm down, now I need a volunteer" Kabuto looked around, no one moved. "Okay, you there," he pointed to a frightened little girl in the back "can you stitch this up for me?" Kabuto looked friendly and beckoned to her. Even though his arm was covered in blood he managed to coax her over.



"I-I don't know what to d-do…" The little girl stuttered, her eyes downcast.

"That's alright; I'll walk you through it" Kabuto grabbed her hand and performed the steps with her quite professionally. "Well," Kabuto patted her head, "I couldn't have done it better myself." He let the girl return to her seat-her shirt was a little blood stained-and watched as all the students crowded around her asking her questions about her little adventure.

"Well thank you kids for being so behaved!" Sakura walked to the door with Kabuto behind her, "Your teacher will be in shortly, tell him we did good!" The kids laughed, Sakura left the class room feeling as if she and Kabuto had accomplished something great."Well Kabuto-san I really didn't expect you to be so good with kids." Sakura said in the midst of a comfortable silence. Sakura stepped lightly over the cracks of the sidewalk taking the familiar path home.

"I didn't expect you to be so…smart." Kabuto replied snickering a little.

"You ass," Sakura laughed "you just can't be nice can you?"

"Oh it depends, you gotta rub me the right way." Kabuto smirked.

"Ew… old freak" Sakura said softly.

"Jealous." Kabuto said in a sing song voice.

"Of what," Sakura replied, "your keen ability to frighten people? Totally, I'm so jealous." Sakura shoved her hands in her pockets. "Besides I know I'm better than you at everything ever, except being a homo."

"Oh, do you now, you know that for a fact?" Kabuto smirked "My apartment, now." He grabbed her wrist and led her in a foreign direction.

"Umm what?" Sakura said nervously, "I have a boyfriend, okay? He'll kick your ass."

"You say you're better than me?" Kabuto said quietly "Let's see how good you are when I'm done with you."

"Kabuto, what's going on? You're scaring me!" Sakura tried to wriggle away from him.



"We're going to play a little game." Kabuto looked back at her with fiery eyes. "My little blossom."

**To Be Continued**

**Woooo that was crazy…anyway,**

**Something is going to happen to our innocent little Sakura**

**OH DEAR!! **

**Special thanks to my normal reviewers but as for the new ones!**

**Tiramisu Blaze (me: wipes away tears, DAMN GIRL YOU COOOL)**

**NarutoandSakura4eva (Yaaaaay I think Shino's hot tooooo w00t)**


	4. Victory Sandwich

**Welll we left off with our poor little Sakura being dragged to some strange apartment by the frightening Kabuto. **

**AAAHHH- anyway**

**Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. Nor does that devil went down to Georgia song**

Sakura's eyes darted around her surroundings. It was dark, too dark for her liking, she felt something under her, a bed perhaps whatever it was she just wanted out. She suddenly realized the dull throbbing in the back of her head. It hurt but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle. She tried to remember everything that had happened; she remembered being picked, up hearing very scary things from Kabuto, and then screaming rape. Then it was all kind of blank.

"K-Kabuto?" Sakura whimpered, she then immediately thought 'oh yeah, great, let's call out for the serial rapist.' She got up to exit out of the door. She looked out to a living room of a somewhat stylish apartment. She looked up only to see a form she assumed was Kabuto with his back to her hovering over something (what Sakura just assumed was a dissection mat table thing). Sakura opened the door to hopefully sneak out.

"I see you finally woke up." Kabuto said…kind of cheerfully actually which freaked Sakura out.

"Shit." Sakura looked up at him, she felt sick, and scared she felt tears starting to spill in the corners of her eyes. "W-What do you want with me." Sakura whispered.

"Well, that sounds a little rude coming from someone who just crawled out of my bed." Kabuto replied. He got up with his back still turned to her.

"I-I gotta go, so" Sakura went for the door.



"Go? Go where?" Kabuto laughed at her and drug her to knees. "Stay put." He demanded.

"P-Please, I need to leave." Sakura cried.

"Sakura, I was going to be so nice to you, I was actually going to be gentle with you." Kabuto moved his "thing" he was hovering over before in front of her. "If you act up I won't be as kind hearted."

"Oh, God." Sakura couldn't see his project because tears blurred her eyes.

"Relax." Kabuto said dully "It's just a game of Clue." Sakura then turned to dust and blew away metaphorically speaking of course.

"W-w-whanow??" Sakura said blankly.

"Clue, you know, Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum." Kabuto said as if Sakura was retarded.

"O-okay, let's play some clue" Sakura still stared blankly taking on a bit of a ragdoll posture.

"I'm letting you be Miss Scarlet, which means you go first." He smiled at her.

"Wait…WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?" Sakura suddenly snapped back to reality.

"Geez lower your voice I have senior citizens next door!" Kabuto whispered.

"If this is just a game of Clue then why does my head hurt?!" said a rather pissed of Sakura.

"Well when you started screaming rape people noticed so I rushed you here…" Kabuto shrugged.

"HEY DIPSHIT, you didn't even explain why my head hurt!" Sakura fumed.

"That was a bit of an "oopsies" on my part" Kabuto grinned sheepishly. "I rushed home and hit your head on the door frame."



"Oh God, kill me now." Sakura put her hand on her face.

"Mr. Yakushi, just what the Hell was that noise?" An old woman with a walker busted down the door with quite a bit of power which surprised Sakura considering the woman's size.

"Dear Jesus," Kabuto whispered "Sorry Mrs. Sato."

"I'm just sitting trying to watch Desperate Kunoichi and you just make all this noise with your girl friend" Mrs. Sato yelled

"Do not associate me with the likes of him." Sakura crossed her arms and stated firmly.

"You guys smoking hookah? Taking Ex? PCP? LSD? Meth? Coke? Acid? So help me God Mr. Yakushi if it's acid-" She raised her finger and stopped her eyes locked on the game board "Is that…Clue?"

"Why yes," Kabuto had a grin on his face. "It is…"

"I haven't played clue in ages. May I?" She pointed toward the little white game piece.

"Of course" Kabuto said gently.

"Oh. My. God." Sakura died (hehe not really) "let's play some god damned Clue. She sat down defeated and tired.

"I call Mrs. White, she's awesome!" Mrs. Sato yelled. "And watch your language…little Harlot" Sakura chose to ignore that.

"Alright, you go first." Kabuto said pointing toward Sakura.

"Oh what did I just agree to?" Sakura sighed.

**An Hour Later**

"Oh Kabuto…naïve, silly little Kabuto," Sakura leaned back and put her hands behind her head. "You take me in to your environment to play your game, and I still triumph…are you ready?" Kabuto nodded woefully. "Alright, it was Mrs. Peacock, in the Hall, with the Lead pipe." Sakura happily looked at the cards in the envelope and jubilantly stare at the formerly mentioned cards.

"Ah crap," Kabuto looked down "here it comes, the gloating."

"Oh you're damn right, you're damn right I'm gonna gloat. You kidnap me take me into your stupid apartment make me play this stupid game and I kicked your stupid sorry albino ass! Yeah! Just come on back if you ever wanna try again, I done told you once you son of a bitch I'm the best there's ever been!" Sakura headed for the fridge. "You owe me a victory sandwich."

"Cheating whore," Mrs. Sato threw down her cards and headed for the door.

"Whatever G-Ma," Sakura said as she danced around Kabuto. "You're just jealous because my boobs aren't saggy!" This comment inevitably caused Kabuto to steal a glance…perv.

**Meanwhile**

"Hey Ino," Shikamaru said alertly, "I haven't seen Sakura around? Did you talk to her?" Shikamaru asked hoping for something good.



"Well I saw that Kabuto guy dragging her that way!" Ino said as she filed her nails she paused to point in the direction of Kabuto's apartment. "If that helps." But Shikamaru hadn't heard her he was already running after his beloved.

**Back At Kabuto's Apartment**

"Hey Kabuto?" Sakura asked as she laid out her materials for a "Victory sandwich"

"Yes?" He replied as he sat on the couch.

"Remember that one time?" Sakura looked up.

"What?" Kabuto turned around to face her.

"You know…" She smiled. "That time I KICKED YOUR ASS!"

"Yeah. Whatever. Just don't use my Ham." Kabuto sat back down.

"Just try and stop me…Ham makes a sandwich…I'm using the ham." Sakura said defiantly she reached for the ham Kabuto glared at her. She grabbed it quickly and put it on her sandwich.

"You asked for it." Kabuto leapt from the couch and onto Sakura.

"Gah, get off!" She struggled to push him away while protecting her sandwich. "You're heavy psh you don't need the ham…eat a salad."

"No way, that's my ham I earned it!" He pinned her hands down with one of his and stole her sandwich, then he heard a noise. He whipped his head around to see a pissed off looking Shikamaru 

standing in the doorway. He looked at Sakura underneath him screaming things like "Please, No dammit, get off" then he looked back at Shikamaru "Aw damn." Shikamaru kneeled down to Kabuto's level "S-sandwich?" Kabuto squeaked. For Kabuto there was a flash of vibrant colors, pain, and darkness.

"My hero," Sakura said as Shikamaru lifted her up and held her bridal style.

"He didn't hurt you did he?" Shikamaru surveyed her up and down looking for any scratches.

"Well," Sakura was tempted to lie but hanging out with Kabuto was…enjoyable. "Believe it or not, but that was just a big misunderstanding" Sakura smiled and pet Shikamaru's cheek "But he's an arrogant ass, he had it coming." Sakura giggled and watched Kabuto twitch a little in his sleep (if you could call it that); Shikamaru had tied his hair to a light fixture in the middle of the living room.

"Let's go home." Shikamaru said.

"But first I gotta pick up some groceries!" Sakura remembered.

"Why don't you leave that to me?" Shikamaru recalled the last grocery incident.

"Okay, but don't forget the captain crunch." Sakura said as she fell asleep in his arms.

**Woo**

**Okay so I really like reviews they are what make me write…if I had more reviews I would update more…please readers look into your souls review and the story quality will get better. Anyway yes I just had to complain. More one shots to come (hopefully) REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW**


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